so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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