wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love you. Go after that dick
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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