Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
