At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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