Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
