you have to choose: penises or morals?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
