Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
