So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
