right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
