you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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