After last night, I could never be a politician.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
