Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
