oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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