Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
