If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Operation Purity has been aborted
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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