My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
