My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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