I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I cockslap morals
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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