I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
