Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
