Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize