I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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