I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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