Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i've created a new STD.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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