he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
