halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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