I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
