Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
