you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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