i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
