The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Welp...herpes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
