i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
