I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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