Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am one with the molecules
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
