i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
