we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
