Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you will always have a special place in my vag
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
