hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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