Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
