Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
