Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize