i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
