Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
