I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize