So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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