Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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