I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
