I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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