Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i have herpe
just one?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
