From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
