I want to have your abortion
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
