In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
