He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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