I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
