I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
