Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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