Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
