Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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