This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
