My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
