I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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