I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
