I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
