So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
