She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
