He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
