have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
