That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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