what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
