i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
