i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
